yes we care

Es gibt Firmen die geben Weihnachtsgeschenke, andere sind grosszügig bei Jubiläen.

JoBo's Firma hegt und pflegt die seltene Tradition der Ostergeschenke. Jedes Jahr vor den Feiertagen finden originelle und weniger originelle Präsente den Weg in die Postfächer der Mitarbeiter. Ob Schokoladeneier, Osterkäsebretter oder Geldbeträge, man freut sich alle Jahre wieder auf den Gang zur österlichen Geschenkvergabe.

Wie es wohl dieses Jahr sein wird? Welches Geschenk das neue angelsächsische Management diese Ostern ausgesucht hat? Innerhalb der Crews war man gespannt. Was sich am Gründonnerstag in den Postfächern befand, schockierte selbst die loyalsten Mitarbeiter:

Yes, we care!

Dear staff,

Due to the financial situation caused by the slowdown of the global economy since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (retire aged people early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (special help after forced termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (scheme covering retired early workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the management deems appropriate.

Persons who has been RAPED can only get AIDS (additional income for dependants of spouse) or HERPES (half earnings for retired personnel early severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

Persons staying on will recive as much SHIT (special high intensity training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to employees. Should you feel that you do not recive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your superior. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

the Management